This article is part of a series exploring key lessons from classic books—timeless works that continue to offer valuable insights. Whether you’re revisiting a familiar favourite or discovering these ideas for the first time, we’ll uncover practical wisdom that remains relevant today.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie has been helping people improve their relationships for decades. Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer who developed famous courses in self-improvement, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. First published in 1936, his book is still one of the most popular self-help books.

Carnegie believed that personal and professional success comes from understanding and treating people well. His advice is simple, practical, and just as relevant today as it was back then.

Let’s explore three of Carnegie’s most impactful principles and see how they can be applied at various stages of our personal and professional lives.

 

1. Show Genuine Interest in Others

Carnegie’s first big lesson is about listening. People love to talk about themselves, and by showing genuine interest, you not only make them feel good but also build stronger relationships. Instead of focusing on what you want to say, try asking questions and really listening to the answers. Listening shows respect and creates a bond.

• For students or those continuing their education: Engaging with your peers, lecturers, or mentors by asking thoughtful questions can open doors for deeper learning. Instead of just thinking about your own ideas, showing curiosity about others’ work can lead to meaningful connections.
• Early-stage career professionals: Building good relationships at work often starts with paying attention to others’ ideas. By genuinely listening during meetings or conversations with colleagues, you’ll show that you’re a team player and gain trust, which is crucial when you’re just starting out.
• Those changing careers: When entering a new field, showing interest in the experiences and insights of those around you is essential. Instead of focusing on what you don’t know, actively listening to experts and asking for their advice will make you stand out as someone willing to learn.
• Later career professionals: At this stage, engaging with younger team members and listening to their perspectives can help bridge generational gaps. Taking time to understand their views shows that you value their input, strengthening your leadership.

 

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Everyone wants to feel valued. Carnegie highlights the power of giving genuine praise when it’s deserved. This isn’t about flattery but about recognising people’s contributions. When you show appreciation, people are more likely to respond positively.

• For students or those continuing their education: Simple gestures like thanking your classmates or teachers for their help or insights can go a long way. It creates a positive environment and could lead to further academic collaboration.
• Early-stage career professionals: Whether it’s a colleague who helped you with a task or a manager who provided guidance, expressing your appreciation can build stronger working relationships. People are more likely to support your growth when they feel acknowledged.
• Those changing careers: In a new job or industry, recognising and appreciating the knowledge and support of your new colleagues is key to fitting in. A well-timed compliment can make a lasting impression as you establish yourself in a different field.
• Later career professionals: If you’re leading a team, regularly acknowledging your staff’s hard work and contributions builds loyalty and morale. A sincere ‘thank you’ can have a considerable impact on team performance and cohesion.

 

3. Avoid Criticising, Condemning, or Complaining

One of the hardest lessons to follow is to avoid negativity. Criticising others often puts them on the defensive, and nothing good comes from it. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, try to find the positive side and be constructive. Staying calm in difficult situations helps maintain strong relationships and build trust.

• For students or those continuing their education: Instead of getting frustrated with group projects or feedback from teachers, focus on what you can learn. Rather than complaints, constructive conversations will help you grow academically and personally.
• Early-stage career professionals: In the workplace, there may be things you disagree with, but how you handle them is crucial. Instead of criticising colleagues or processes, look for ways to suggest improvements that are helpful and positive. This will set you apart as someone who is solutions-focused.
• Those changing careers: Moving to a new role might mean encountering unfamiliar challenges or systems that frustrate you. Rather than complaining, approach your colleagues with questions or ideas for improvement. This shows you’re adaptable and willing to contribute to the company’s success.
• Later career professionals: As a senior team member, how you handle conflict or challenges sets the tone for others. Leading with positivity, even in tough situations, encourages your team to stay calm and constructive when facing difficulties.

These lessons are just as relevant today as they were when Carnegie first wrote them. By listening, showing appreciation, and staying positive, we can improve our relationships in all areas of life.

And don’t forget, staying connected with people who share your experiences—like your alumni community—can help keep those relationships growing.

If you want to buy the book, you can find it here.