Let’s get the awkward truth out of the way first: most people would rather do almost anything than talk about money at work. A survey by job site Reed found that nearly half of UK workers have never negotiated their salary – not once. And among those who have, many describe the experience as somewhere between uncomfortable and genuinely terrifying.

Here’s the thing to keep in mind. If you never ask, the answer is always no. And the cost of not negotiating, over the course of a career, can be significant. Research from the Chartered Management Institute suggests that employees who negotiate their starting salary can earn significantly more over their working lives than those who simply accept the first offer.

So why do so many of us avoid the conversation?

 

It’s Not Just About Confidence

The reasons people don’t negotiate go beyond simple nerves. Many worry about seeming ungrateful or pushy. Others aren’t sure what they’re worth. There’s also a common fear that negotiating might jeopardise a job offer entirely, though research suggests this almost never happens.

Women, on average, negotiate less frequently than men – a pattern documented in numerous studies, including work by Linda Babcock at Carnegie Mellon University. The gap isn’t about ability; it’s often about how negotiation is perceived differently depending on who’s doing it.

 

Do Your Homework First

The single most important thing you can do before any salary conversation is research. Find out what people in comparable roles are being paid. Sites like Glassdoor, Payscale, and the ONS Annual Survey of Hours and Earnings all offer useful benchmarks.

Knowing the market rate gives you something concrete to anchor the conversation to. Instead of “I’d like more money,” you can say, “Based on the market rate for this role and my experience, I believe a salary of £X would be fair.” That’s a much harder argument to dismiss.

Pro Tip: Don’t just research salaries – research the whole package. Pension contributions, flexible working, extra holiday, professional development budgets, and bonuses can all be part of the negotiation. Sometimes the best deal isn’t the highest number on the payslip.

 

Timing Matters

The best time to negotiate is when you have leverage – which typically means when someone wants you. That could be during a job offer, at the point of a promotion, or after a particularly strong performance review.

If none of those moments is on the horizon, it’s still worth having the conversation – but frame it as forward-looking. Try something like: “I’d like to understand what I’d need to demonstrate to move to the next salary level over the coming year.” This positions you as ambitious and proactive rather than demanding.

The Conversation Itself

When the moment comes, keep these principles in mind. State your case clearly and calmly – don’t apologise for asking. Use evidence, not emotion. Be specific about the number or outcome you’re looking for. And then – this is crucial – be comfortable with silence. After you’ve made your case, stop talking. Let the other person respond.

If the answer is no (or “not right now”), don’t panic. Ask what would need to change for the answer to be different. Get specifics. And follow up in writing so there’s a record of the conversation.

Try This: Before your next salary conversation, practise with someone you trust. Say your key points out loud. It can feel awkward in the moment, but hearing yourself make the case builds confidence in a way that rehearsing silently in your head simply doesn’t.

 

It’s Worth the Discomfort

Negotiating your salary isn’t about being greedy or difficult. It’s about valuing the work you do and ensuring you’re compensated fairly for it. The skills involved – preparation, clear communication, knowing your worth – serve you well in every other area of your professional life too.

And remember: the worst that can happen is someone says no. You’ll still have your job, your reputation, and the knowledge that you asked. That’s worth a lot more than wondering “what if?”